Stairs
by Feral Phoenix
Summary: Your peons can't stop bickering. You're being hit on by a woman almost twice your age. And your Seru partner just cannot seem to manage the stairs. ...Yep, life could definitely be better for a crown prince of Conkram.


Stairs

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Legend of Legaia or any of its wonderful characters. This idea is a little plot bunny that came up out of nowhere and randomly bit me in the butt. Any (and all) OOCness is merely there due to the bizarreness of the plot itself. :3

THIS FIC CONTAINS: Juggernaut's NAME, the form he takes when his Seru self is just too frickin' big to fit wherever he's supposed to go, one-sided Cort/Zora, Songi being a bastage, implied shonen-ai (Cort/Reiko) mostly used for humor, Saryu-bashing, general insanity, the bad guys in a casual setting, and Reiko's hatred of stairs…

---

**Stairs **_pl n _ME _steir, _fr. OE _staca; _akin to MLG _stake _stake, L _tignum _beam **1 : **a series of steps or flights of steps for passing from one level to another—often used in pl. but sing. or pl. in constr. **2 : **Multiple steps of a stairway

---

Within the sweeping entrance halls of the Absolute Fortress, the meeting of the men and women who were scheming to end civilization as Legaia knew it was just about to conclude.

Standing to the fore, facing the rows of Seru-wearers he often (rather unaffectionately, it must be admitted) called his "peons", stood Cort, the former crown prince of the small kingdom of Conkram. He was a handsome young man who appeared to be in his mid-twenties, with a tall and slender form, rather saturnine features, and long, fine silver hair that he'd pushed over his shoulders. His gaze was level, and that, combined with the fact that he was odd-eyed (his right and left irises were dissonant shades of calm sapphire and fierce ruby), often made it hard for others to meet his stare. He was dressed in smoky shades of grays and blacks, and unlike all who stood before him, he wore no Sim-Seru. Instead, fastened to his back was a black talisman that had been made from the lifeless egg of a Ra-Seru.

"Do you understand? Good. Now—"

His sentence was interrupted by an ear-piercing, blood-curdling shriek.

"KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN—"

Doing a surprisingly comical double-take, Cort whirled around and pelted for the staircase that lay just out of sight of the little gathering, the "peons" at his heels. "Reiko! Are you alright!"

Sprawled on his back along the slope of the staircase lay a young man who looked to be about Cort's age, perhaps a bit younger. He wore black boots, pants, and sleeveless shirt with red wristbands, and had long, tangled black hair that was spread out behind him. His silver eyes were wide, and his chest heaved as he gasped for breath. If one overlooked his twisted black horns, the long tail that had grown out of his adrenaline burst, and the way his hands and feet had become gray-black Seru paws with wicked black claws dug into the stairs, nearby wall, and banister, he appeared to be any ordinary human.

But, of course, one could not overlook those things, and the young man named Reiko was in actually a very powerful Seru of the legendary Juggernaut breed. He often took the human form he was (mostly) in so that he could stay by the side of his partner and only real friend Cort in places like these, which were far too small to accommodate his true form.

"Ow…" Releasing his death grip on the stone- and iron-working around him, Reiko sat up, his tail and paws melting back into human flesh. "That was… really scary…"

Giving his longtime friend a rare, gentle smile, Cort held out a hand and levered Reiko up. "You're such a klutz, Reiko…"

"I know… sorry…" Wincing both at the pain from his fall and the damage he'd done to the stairs (they looked as if someone had attacked them with a giant rake), Reiko carefully got off the steps.

"This has got to stop," snapped one of the "peons", the purple-haired woman named Zora. "This is going to take _days _to fix, and it happens at least once every week! The _labor _costs! The production value of that stone just can't be considered to be nothing!"

"I don't think there's much we _can _do about it," red-haired Songi proclaimed with a shrug. A nasty smirk adorned his Classical features even as the violet Ra-Seru on his right wrist glowed in feeble apology. "That dumb Seru is just hopelessly clumsy. He's the only one I know who can actually trip _up _the stairs."

"That dumb Seru can also kick your ass any day of this week," Reiko spat venomously, scarlet-cheeked. "So just shut your face!"

"Weren't there stairs in the Seru-kai, Reiko?" Cort asked him.

"Well… yeah," the disguised Seru said distractedly with a wave of his hand (his attention was still directed towards glaring at Songi). "But the steps were longer, so it was easier to walk on _them."_

"I bet he fell down all the time anyway," Songi said airily.

"You shut up!"

"It's not befitting for a servant of Prince Cort to go falling down the stairs all the time, anyway," Zeto, whose Sim-Seru covered his face entirely, said sniffily.

"Well, you do have a point…" Cort said, giving Reiko a sidelong look.

"But it's not like he's going to get any less of a klutz, now is he?" Songi replied with a snicker.

"That may be true. Therefore, all of you will come up with some alternative idea that will prevent Reiko from having to trip down (or up) the stairs every day."

_"Why?" _whined Zora.

"Because you all have absolutely nothing better to do, and you're getting to be one big collective pain in my ass," Cort replied calmly.

"Even _me, _my prince?" Zora whimpered, attempting to look pathetic and succeeding only in looking creepy.

_"ESPECIALLY _you."

"If we are to keep Juggernaut from continuing to ruin the stairs, then why don't we ask my devoted servant Saryu about it?" suggested Dohati (who also wore a Sim-Seru that covered his face) with something quite like unholy glee.

Reiko twitched.

"He has done enough research on the species that he may be able to provide some explanation as to why this is occurring, my prince," the former secretary of Conkram continued.

"Perhaps," Cort allowed.

Reiko twitched again.

"Then, shall we head to Ratayu immediately?"

"The HELL we will!" Reiko burst out, visibly bristling, crossing his arms and angling his shoulders. "I hate that damn town! I already swore that I wasn't going to set foot there again no matter what! You crazy people are going to get me there over my dead body!"

---

And so, the "intrepid" party of villains and antiheroes headed to Ratayu.

Reiko went with them…

…kicking and screaming the entire way.

"I'm sorry about this, Reiko, I truly am, but Saryu really _is _the only one who's done any type of conclusive research on your kind," Cort said with a sigh. He and Songi each had one arm through the frenzied black-haired young man's own, and were literally dragging him along. Their Door of Wind, perhaps disgruntled at having to carry so many at once, had deposited them several yards from Ratayu itself.

"Research? The hell he did any research! He spent three weeks sticking me with needles, and then two weeks rounding up village girls to feed to the fetal Juggernaut he created in that crazy machine of his—who, I might add, attempted to self-destruct once she'd learned what he'd made her do! The man's a quack, those needles HURT, and you are not getting me anywhere NEAR that goddamn town!"

Cort headslumped, sweatdropped, and kept dragging. Though the journey took less than fifteen minutes, Reiko's endless tirade and Dohati's happy chatter about Saryu's research and findings made it seem like fifteen hours.

After hearing Dohati's explanation about why the strange group had come, Saryu (who wore a gray-black, disk-shaped Sim-Seru on top of his head like some idiotic sombrero) put a hand to his chin and managed to look thoughtful.

"Clumsiness, you say? Hmm… I wonder if that should cause any problems with the newer models…?"

Reiko shook an angry fist at the Seru-controlled ruler. "Don't you talk about my little sister like that! She's not some damn tool, do you hear me!"

"What is the extent to this clumsiness you speak of?" Saryu asked, intrigued.

"And don't you ignore me!"

"He trips up stairs, down stairs, over any kind of debris in his way, over his own _feet, _claws huge holes in things when he panics while tripping, breaks delicate things when he's asked to hold them, manages to tear any and all paper, and the tail alone is capable of destroying any well-furnished room," Dohati replied, pointing. Reiko was angry enough with Saryu that he had indeed grown the tail, which was lashing as furiously as any peevish cat's.

"But we're just here about the stair problem," Cort said quickly. "The peons don't like having to redo the stairs every time Reiko destroys them."

"Well, Juggernaut is a very special Seru," Saryu said simply. "Surely some accommodations can be made for this small flaw?"

"What 'flaw'? What FLAW! I am not some Tieg-damned machine!" Reiko raged. Cort noted that there was a vein standing out on the back of his fist.

"But _why _is he such a klutz?" Songi asked.

"Possibly for the same reasons that some humans and lower-level Seru are," Saryu told him. "I certainly hope that it isn't something to do with the species itself. That would be a large setback in my plans of mass-production."

"WILL YOU STOP WITH THE 'MACHINE' BULLSHIT!"

"While we're on the subject of flaws in the makeup," Songi said with a sly grin, "there are a few other complaints I have: This moron is lazy and stupid, he sleeps too much, he doesn't take orders, the Mist has become a drug for him, he has moral issues with almost everything we do, he's way too attached to Cort, and—"

There was a loud growl, and Reiko (who had been yelling at Saryu nonstop) fell silent, red-faced, covering his stomach with a hand. Hiding a smile, Cort held out an apple that he'd had in his pocket.

"—he's ALWAYS hungry," Songi finished exasperatedly.

"You're too indulgent of him," Zora grumped at Cort, glowering possessively at Reiko, who had sat down and was enjoying his apple, leaning happily against his human's side. His tail was now flopping amiably, like some happy dog's.

"He's trying to keep himself going by consuming _human _food?" Saryu seemed appalled. "What of a Juggernaut's _natural _diet?"

"I know what you mean, that is NOT what we eat, and I can't _help _it that I get hungry a lot," Reiko said staunchly. "I would never do that anyway. It's wrong."

"See? Way too moral," Songi said disgustedly.

"Shut up."

---

In the end, Saryu could come up with no explanation for Reiko's klutziness, and simply told Conkram's former Wise Men that they should merely put something else up instead of stairs.

"Which is what Cort told you in the first place," Reiko himself told them sensibly. "See, you could've saved all that time, too!"

"No one asked you," Songi, the Wise Men, and the Delilases (who had come along for the ride) snapped in unison.

"What does the person who comes up with a solution get?" Zora asked, batting her eyelashes at Cort (who twitched noticeably at her affections).

"I don't know. Cookies. Bragging rights. Just think of _something _or we're going to be at this stair-repairing business forever," Cort told her, sorting through the stacks of paper that had accumulated on the desk that inhabited much of his office in the Absolute Fortress.

Songi shrugged. "Well, there's no real point in any of this, in _my _opinion. The chibi-Juggernaut here has been a klutz since the day he was born, and he'll be one till the day he dies. No fancy contraption _we _make can change that fact."

"WHAT did you call me?" Reiko stared incredulously at Songi, who chose not to answer.

"How do _you _three deal with stairs?" Zora asked the Delilases curiously. "Che is pretty clumsy, too, isn't he?"

Gi looked at her as though the answer were utterly obvious. "We simply don't deal with stairs."

"Oh? But there are stairs all over our bases…"

"We don't need them, because we have mad ninja skillz," Gi said brightly.

"…Riiiiiight…" Zora commented, turning away.

"My prince, I believe that _I _may have the solution to this dilemma," Zeto volunteered.

"That quickly?" Cort said dryly.

"Yes. If you'll just come to my dungeon in Drake Kingdom, I would be happy to show you…"

---

Reiko looked up at the tall column of metal incredulously. "Why did you take us to the elevator?"

Zeto put his Sim-Seru covered hands on his hips proudly. "You already have a few elevators installed in the Absolute Fortress, my prince—and Juggernaut is able to travel along them as he pleases, without incident. I am sure that this is the way our problem will be solved!"

Reiko sweatdropped. "When are you people gonna start calling me by my _name?" _he asked plaintively. Zeto ignored him.

"A fine idea," Cort said with a shrug. "However, there is a reason that we have not already taken your plan into action.

"Do you have any idea how much it _costs _to tear down stairs and build elevators?"

It was Zeto's turn to sweatdrop. "My prince?"

"You all complain so much about the costs of rebuilding the stairs every day, but creating elevators requires almost three times that amount. We simply don't have enough money to do that with every single staircase."

"B-but, the future _investment, _my lord—!" Zeto protested feebly.

"Ignore _him, _my prince. _I _have a better, less costly idea," Dohati interjected. Zeto glowered.

"I'm hungry," Reiko commented in the background.

"If you come to my castle in the Sebucus Islands, I'm sure we can get this matter cleared up easily enough. What do you say, my lord?"

"I'm _hungryyyyyy," _Reiko whined, sulking.

"Can it wait until after lunch?" Cort said absently, already digging in his pack for something to give his partner in the meantime.

---

After the large party had eaten (with most of the reluctant diners shooting jealous glares at Reiko, who had sat oblivious to them all as he planted himself happily next to Cort and enthusiastically cleaned his and most of his partner's plates; Cort was not a heavy eater and did not mind having most of his share go towards feeding his Seru), Dohati led them to his domain and, with a flourish, began to chatter happily about escalators.

"Installing escalators does not cost nearly as much as tearing out systems of stairs in order to put in _elevators, _my prince. In addition, they work on a similar principle—Juggernaut merely has to stand in one place, without moving, until the escalator reaches the higher floor! Allow me to demonstrate…"

"Start calling me by my _name, _will you?" Reiko complained as Dohati led them towards the object of his incessant babbling.

"Get on and ride up," Dohati prompted, pointing at the green interlocking panels that formed the escalator. "It's easy."

But Reiko would not budge—he stood staring wide-eyed at the escalators, pale-faced.

"Go on, get on and ride up," Dohati commanding, trying to shove at Reiko's shoulder. Again, the human-formed Seru did not move.

"Is something wrong?" Cort asked with mild concern.

"They're stairs… that _move on their own…" _Reiko twitched and backed up, visibly bristling. "That's freaky! I'm not going anywhere _near _it, do you hear?"

Dohati headslumped so violently that he crashed to the ground.

"I guess this rules _your _grand idea out," Zeto said smugly. "Not so effective after all, is it?"

"You don't have to get on, Reiko," Cort murmured softly, ruffling his partner's hair. Reiko visibly relaxed, although he still shot occasional wary glances at the escalator.

"Ignore these insolent men, my dear prince," Zora announced. (Zeto and Dohati glared.) _"I _have an idea that's _sure _to work! Come now—to the Floating Castle!"

---

"I don't believe he'll have a problem with _this, _my prince," Zora said authoritatively as she walked briskly down the halls, being bowed along by Pueras as she headed through the doors.

"Electricity-powered moving platforms?" Jette, fourth of the Wise Men, said doubtfully. "I keep telling you, that unreliable substance is _never _going to work out."

"You shut up," Zora told him, waving her hand dismissively.

"It ain't gonna work. That thing doesn't even have handrails," Songi muttered.

"You shut up too. I am telling you, Prince Cort, this is failproof."

"Reiko?" Cort said with an arched eyebrow, looking to his Seru, who was regarding the circular platform with distinct curiosity. "Would you like to try?"

"Okay! This looks like fun," Reiko proclaimed, heading confidently over to the wire-laced circle of stone.

"He seems more like that crazy little barbarian girl every day," Songi commented, rolling his eyes. Reiko feigned ignorance, setting foot on the platform.

As soon as Reiko was firmly situated aboard, the platform began to move, taking its straight path across the open gap that, if one fell into it, would eventually deposit one out the Mist vents in the castle's bottom.

"So far so good," Zora informed the others with a triumphant grin.

"How far down _does _this go, anyway?" Reiko asked curiously, walking to the edge of the platform, leaning slightly over, and peering into the darkness below.

"Reiko, don't do that!" Cort shouted, going pale.

But it was too late—Reiko's natural klutziness had already taken hold, and he had overbalanced just slightly, the soles of his boots slipping on the platform's edge. Mid-fall, Reiko yelled, twisted desperately as a thrown cat, and threw both arms over the stone, his body writhing with black as his hands suddenly grew wicked claws, his wild hair became jagged spikes all along his back, and his tail snapped into appearance like a wildly lashing bullwhip.

Even as far away as they were, Cort and his "peons" could see the veins standing out on Reiko's arms/forelegs as he dragged himself back up, remaining crouched in the middle of the circular stone, fore- and hind claws dug firmly in, his now pure silver gaze wary as a caged animal's. He stayed that way until the platform reached its original position; he then launched himself off, shivered back into human form, and clung wordlessly to Cort, who had knelt worriedly beside him.

"I think we can rule this one out," the young prince said curtly, his lips a tight line.

"Why in the _hell _aren't there _handrails _on that thing?" Reiko wailed at last.

---

And so the party returned to the Absolute Fortress, with Reiko and Zora bringing up the rear.

"You _had _to go and ruin my perfect idea," Zora grumbled.

"Well, it's your fault that thing wasn't built safely!" Reiko shot back, still looking somewhat pale. "If it _was, _it would've been fine!"

"And why does Prince Cort have to spend so much time coddling _you, _anyway?" Zora demanded. "It's unfitting and unnatural! Why can't he take a moment or two for _me?"_

"I'd say I'm a lot more important to Cort than _you _are," Reiko said flatly.

"You? Hah! Cort loves me," Zora proclaimed.

"You think you mean so much to him?" Reiko began slowly.

"I do!"

"Oh, yeah? Who sleeps in his _bed _every night, _you _or _me?" _Leaving Zora utterly speechless, Reiko marched on ahead, his nose in the air.

Cort was already addressing his "peons" again in the hallway. "Has anyone else got any bright ideas, or shall we just go back to reviewing our _previous _plans?"

Jette raised a hand boredly. "In _my _opinion, the Seru should just stay downstairs in the Mist pit, where it _belongs."_

Reiko, walking up behind him, swiped a black-clawed paw in Jette's direction, though the Seru wearer stepped nimbly out of the way in time.

"Songi?" Cort asked calmly.

The ex-monk shook his head with a sardonic smile. "You already know what I think. It's a lost cause… the chibi-Juggernaut over here is just going to screw over anything and everything we come up with."

"If it wasn't for Jedo, I would rip you into little bite-sized pieces right now," Reiko growled, glowering at the human, whose Ra-Seru was once again flickering in apology. "Don't piss me off."

"Do _you _have any suggestions, Reiko?" Cort asked, turning to his longtime partner and friend.

"Umm, what if I… like… grew out my claws just a _little _bit on the stairs?" the disguised Seru said hesitantly, fidgeting. "That way I'd be able to hold on better…"

"It would still carve such huge chunks out of the stone," Zora pouted, not seeming to have gotten over her shock yet. "It defeats the purpose!"

"The _purpose _was equally to prevent Reiko from getting injured and to keep the stairs from being completely destroyed. A few claw marks aren't going to hurt anything. This is good enough for now. All right everyone, you're dismissed. Go do whatever it is you do when I'm not babysitting you." Waving his hand, Cort turned to head back upstairs, with Reiko racing ahead of him, actually going on all fours up the stairs and clinging to the stone with black claws that sank into the hard material as though it were as porous as wet soil. Most of the peons trailed off, except for Zora, who headed after Cort, placing a hand on his shoulder to hold him back.

"Yes?"

Zora removed the hand, looking equal parts sulky and nauseated. "Of all the things, I can't believe… you and that… _that… _ugh! It simply cannot be true…!"

Cort rolled his eyes. "Either tell me what you want, or go away. I have things to do."

_"You—_sleeping with a _Seru," _Zora sputtered.

Cort stared blankly at her for a few moments until it clicked. "Oh—Reiko? Within the first week of his arrival fifteen years ago, I decided I had to keep him from sleeping on the floor. It's not healthy and it's not exactly humane. There wasn't really anywhere else _for _him to sleep."

Zora goggled at him.

"Of course, it does get annoying occasionally—Reiko certainly _is _a restless sleeper…" Cort smiled wryly, as if inviting Zora to share in his humor. "I'm not having sex with him, if that's what you want to know. Seru copulation is very different from humans', as I'm sure you're well aware. In honesty, that would in all probability be physically impossible. Lighten up a little. Reiko is like a brother to me, so it's no big deal for the two of us to sleep in the same bed." Shaking his head at her, Cort turned on his heel and headed up the stairs after his Seru partner.

It didn't take long for him to catch up with Reiko, who was standing by the elevator that led to Cort's private quarters. "I saw you with Zora. What were you talking about?"

"Nothing of importance, really."

"She's really weird, you know that?"

"Unfortunately, I know it all too well." Cort rolled his eyes; Reiko laughed.

As the two of them stepped in, Reiko fidgeted and said, "I really _won't _get anything for coming up with a good idea, will I?" He sounded disappointed.

Cort couldn't help laughing. "Not right away, at least. …You really wanted those cookies, didn't you? That's so like you, Reiko… I'm sure we can convince the kitchen workers to come up with something tomorrow morning, since there's really nothing better to do."

The elevator door opened; the two of them stepped out, heading up the hall before them.

Turning to Reiko, Cort rested a hand on his shoulder, then leaned over and lightly kissed his longtime friend's cheek. "Well, let's get some rest. Tomorrow will likely be another long day." He walked on ahead, not looking to see if Reiko was following.

Standing still, Reiko silently raised one hand to his face, tentatively touching the spot Cort's lips had brushed with the tips of his fingers. There was a _very_ human flush spreading across his cheeks as he did so.

After a brief pause, the human-formed Seru shook his head, smiled and headed after his partner.

…Until, that was, he let his attention drift and understepped, sending himself pitching forward at the ground once again.

"KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN—"

"Reiko! Are you alright!"

owari :3


End file.
